Dressing Up Getting down - Your Alter Egos
There's nothing as hot as being yourself except possibly being yourself being somebody else.
Exploring those alter-egos hanging around behind-the-scenes in your erotic fantasies can be a fun and fulfilling way to uncover what turns you on. Even if you don't feel totally ready yet to claim those desires, erotic fantasy play could give you a part to take on as you discover how to get deeper into your own sexual self.
When introducing a partner to your erotic imagination, it takes a bit of skill, patience, playfulness, intention, and affection to get there together. Feel free to linger in your solo sex play as you run your scenario in your own mind, testing out your roles and what you want to do, before you bring your lover into the game. It's totally possible that there are a whole host of things that feel really amazing within the confines of your own bed and with your own hands, but that just aren't so doable with someone else, or within the context of that relationship. That's okay, and honestly, that's why all your toys and stories can be such great tools in your exploration of sex.
There's no pressure to bring your fantasies into the flesh right away, either. While playing on your own, you may hit upon a fantasy scene that you aren't sure you want to act out physically, but really, really turns you on to just think and talk about. Rather than distance yourself from a hot idea that's time hasn't yet come completely, you can bring those maybe not yet fantasies into bed with your lover or partner as devastatingly dirty talk, passing your favorite details and sensations back and forth from your lips and your imaginations.
For that first time you open up and describe a hot scene from your own fantasies to your lover or partner, you can draw on all that fantasizing to be as specific as you can be about who you are in the fantasy, and who your partner is. Underneath even what could seem like the simplest of characters the schoolgirl and teacher, for example there are many variations, and some might be more of a turn-off than turn-on to you. Posing as an intense, over-achieving honors student may feel pretty different than demurring as a blushing freshman. Likewise, you can dream up a sweet, nurturing teacher for yourself to romance, or a scheming, perverted one to teach you a few tricks or enjoy both at the same time why limit yourself?
Before you play together, take care to really listen to your lover about how he or she sees their part in the fantasy you've laid out. This could be your first opportunity to let some creative collaboration come in to play. If you tell her that you're set on being an utter brat, and you'd like her to punish you for it, she may have some suggestions and alternatives. Your partner could be absolutely delighted to be your teacher, but for him to get into the scene, he might say that by the end of your game, he will need to turn tender and fond of you (even as he pulls down your undies and wields a ruler, of course). A little negotiation only fine-tunes your fantasies into an even hotter shared game between you.
Speaking of undies and rulers, there's already probably a few prop-worthy items at your place right now, just waiting to have their own secret identities called out. Many people collect and cherish erotically-inspiring garments, photos, and accessories for years before they have the opportunity to use them. Those seamed stockings you picked up on a whim? Maybe the old doctor's bag from the tag sale? Your toys needn't be specifically designed with sex in mind to provoke you, but when it comes to objects you may want to use in direct genital or anal play, you will want to consider investing in some dedicated toys, or, at a minimum, some condoms and lube to keep everything clean and your partners and lovers safe.
In addition to physical safety, consider your emotional well-being, as well. Even though you might not feel that you are doing anything all too severe in your fantasy, you might want to propose to your partner a safeword a code that you can use to give one another permission to break character and check-in. You don't have to save it only for moments of distress. You could decide that calling your safeword just means time out, and that you want to take a moment to step out of role and re-calibrate where the scene is going so that you can both continue. There's nothing wrong with asking for a breather mid-scene.
One really popular safeword is red for stop right now and yellow for slow down. You can use anything that feels right to you, as long as you both know what you mean, and find one that fits the tone of your fantasy like mercy, ma'am or recess, please. Safewords are also great if part of your fantasy includes protesting. After all, the captured princess would try to resist the daring pirate wouldn't she? A safeword lets her pretend to fight, while leaving room for telling him when she really needs to take a break.
As you play, your fantasies may evolve over time. All in all, the changes you both suggest just add to the game. And, over time, as you find your mutual fantasies open up even more sexy flourishes and elaborations, you can incorporate spontaneously and instinctively. Once you take the time to get into one another's erotic imaginations, you can take pleasure in keeping one step ahead of your partner-in-crime's fantasies.
